When asked questions it's usually about what took me away from the LDS church. We all like drama and juicy details. Lately I've been asked multiple times what brought me back. I've been asked to share my answer through this week's blog. My reason for posting about this topic is a hope that at least one person will relate to me and find courage to come back.
Why did I come back? I listened. When people say, "God told me...", I always had a hard time identifying with that description, before and now. I've never felt like someone held my chin and told me what to do or what not to do. My version of receiving instructions from on high has always been in the form of my own thoughts. Me. A sudden awareness, or a careful progression of realization. In either case, this is what we in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints refer to as inspiration, or more reverently, personal revelation provided by an omniscient Heavenly Father. So what is so special about my return? Not much. I listened. Just listened. At first.
It would be hard to ignore a heavenly visitation (although we read that the brothers of Nephi, Laman and Lemuel, in the Book of Mormon, managed to pull that off). It's all the more easy to brush off your own thoughts. We often say we are "at war with ourself". The next time you say that, you need only do one thing. Listen. That is your moment, right in front of you. You just might be being spoken to, through your being, not just a private closed-door conversation with yourself, but accessing a spiritual channel so simple, you might miss it if you don't pay attention...and listen.
During my years away from the church (and even now I suppose), who is to say how many times I was spiritually spoken to and did not listen. I fear the count is quite high. However, the most dynamic opportunity for me to listen, and the switch that redirected my path, was in the form of a dream on August 11, 2005, 11 years ago this week. Dreams often leave us with such little value that we can often disregard them upon waking, to the point that we no longer have a detailed recollection even within minutes or seconds. This dream was gentle, subtle even. Yet, there was one unique attribute that turned up my "hearing".
The content of the dream has important significance for me, but what made that content become something worth listening to was nothing more than a feeling of love. In dreams we may feel a whole host of emotions, but what typically happens when we wake up? Those feelings are lifted, or at least shadowed by hunger, fatigue, or the need for a restroom. Not this time. I woke up and still felt the same exhilarating love. I sat straight up, baffled and amazed at what was happening. I felt like a child young enough to still have normal things to experience for the first time. Like my daughter, the first time she discovered she could whistle. Or my son, the first time he drank root beer. I am sure I had the look of deep analysis on my face, and the feeling remained. No angelic visitation. No voice heard in or outside of my head. A feeling that I had the choice to brush off and say, "That was weird. Now what should I eat". Rather I just sat there. And it came to me. I knew what I needed to do. Which included no small actions. However, this time I felt empowered; I had purpose to make a return. It all seemed so simple. Not to say that it was, because I went through quite a bit over the next period of time, but the scale had tipped. Being an analytical and logical person, returning to a life of righteousness was now the path of least resistance, whereas before it was a path of difficulty and doubt.
Hearing is not listening. I know my kids hear me all the time, and as their father I know how to demand that their hearing upgrade to listening, in order to get them to act. Our Heavenly Father works this way. That's where we learned it. He will speak, and we might hear Him, but not do anything with it. Perhaps this comes in the form of advice from a friend, or our own thoughts. We get so good at this avoidance that we exercise our ability to dismiss Him quicker and quicker. Until He demands that we listen, because He wants us to succeed. He will ensure that we consciously received the message. Even then, it is on us to use that information once we have consciously thought, "I should do this", or "I shouldn't be doing this".
So again, welcome those moments of being at war with yourself, and be brave. Choose to listen to whatever delivery method is being used. Use the Savior. He atoned for our poor choices for a reason. Let's not let that go to waste. Having the Savior behind us is much easier. I promise. Need help with this? Why do it alone? Try what worked for me. Meet with your Bishop. Tell him about your successes and your challenges. Express through prayer to our Father in Heaven that you received his message, and you have a desire to hear more. Examine your thoughts and feelings. After all, He engineered us all to have the built-in resources necessary to return to Him. And finally, listen. You will hear something.
Good luck and blessings to us all!
Why did I come back? I listened. When people say, "God told me...", I always had a hard time identifying with that description, before and now. I've never felt like someone held my chin and told me what to do or what not to do. My version of receiving instructions from on high has always been in the form of my own thoughts. Me. A sudden awareness, or a careful progression of realization. In either case, this is what we in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints refer to as inspiration, or more reverently, personal revelation provided by an omniscient Heavenly Father. So what is so special about my return? Not much. I listened. Just listened. At first.
It would be hard to ignore a heavenly visitation (although we read that the brothers of Nephi, Laman and Lemuel, in the Book of Mormon, managed to pull that off). It's all the more easy to brush off your own thoughts. We often say we are "at war with ourself". The next time you say that, you need only do one thing. Listen. That is your moment, right in front of you. You just might be being spoken to, through your being, not just a private closed-door conversation with yourself, but accessing a spiritual channel so simple, you might miss it if you don't pay attention...and listen.
During my years away from the church (and even now I suppose), who is to say how many times I was spiritually spoken to and did not listen. I fear the count is quite high. However, the most dynamic opportunity for me to listen, and the switch that redirected my path, was in the form of a dream on August 11, 2005, 11 years ago this week. Dreams often leave us with such little value that we can often disregard them upon waking, to the point that we no longer have a detailed recollection even within minutes or seconds. This dream was gentle, subtle even. Yet, there was one unique attribute that turned up my "hearing".
The content of the dream has important significance for me, but what made that content become something worth listening to was nothing more than a feeling of love. In dreams we may feel a whole host of emotions, but what typically happens when we wake up? Those feelings are lifted, or at least shadowed by hunger, fatigue, or the need for a restroom. Not this time. I woke up and still felt the same exhilarating love. I sat straight up, baffled and amazed at what was happening. I felt like a child young enough to still have normal things to experience for the first time. Like my daughter, the first time she discovered she could whistle. Or my son, the first time he drank root beer. I am sure I had the look of deep analysis on my face, and the feeling remained. No angelic visitation. No voice heard in or outside of my head. A feeling that I had the choice to brush off and say, "That was weird. Now what should I eat". Rather I just sat there. And it came to me. I knew what I needed to do. Which included no small actions. However, this time I felt empowered; I had purpose to make a return. It all seemed so simple. Not to say that it was, because I went through quite a bit over the next period of time, but the scale had tipped. Being an analytical and logical person, returning to a life of righteousness was now the path of least resistance, whereas before it was a path of difficulty and doubt.
Hearing is not listening. I know my kids hear me all the time, and as their father I know how to demand that their hearing upgrade to listening, in order to get them to act. Our Heavenly Father works this way. That's where we learned it. He will speak, and we might hear Him, but not do anything with it. Perhaps this comes in the form of advice from a friend, or our own thoughts. We get so good at this avoidance that we exercise our ability to dismiss Him quicker and quicker. Until He demands that we listen, because He wants us to succeed. He will ensure that we consciously received the message. Even then, it is on us to use that information once we have consciously thought, "I should do this", or "I shouldn't be doing this".
So again, welcome those moments of being at war with yourself, and be brave. Choose to listen to whatever delivery method is being used. Use the Savior. He atoned for our poor choices for a reason. Let's not let that go to waste. Having the Savior behind us is much easier. I promise. Need help with this? Why do it alone? Try what worked for me. Meet with your Bishop. Tell him about your successes and your challenges. Express through prayer to our Father in Heaven that you received his message, and you have a desire to hear more. Examine your thoughts and feelings. After all, He engineered us all to have the built-in resources necessary to return to Him. And finally, listen. You will hear something.
Good luck and blessings to us all!
Submitted by: Nate Blackhurst
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