Coping With The Loss of a Loved One

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon Church) we are taught that we lived as spirit children of our Father in Heaven before we were born (see Jeremiah 1:5) and that our life does not end when we die here on earth.  Elder Russell M Nelson, President of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles said this:

"Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. Knowingly we wanted the risks of mortality, which would allow the exercise of agency and accountability. “This life [was to become] a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God.” But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live. As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven."

The Gospel Principle of life after death has certainly bought peace to my sole as I have dealt with the loss of beloved members of my family and dear friends.  I testify to you that it us true.  Each of us will have the opportunity to be reunited with those that we love.  We have eternal bonds with them.  Even with the knowledge that we will be with them again we can still hurt.  We feel the pains of loss and a sense of loneliness.   

Within each of us is a bit of a struggle.  Our minds tell us that our loved one is in a better place.  A place of peace.  A place where pain and suffering do not exist.  We know that when we too pass through the portals of death we will be reunited with them.  We long for that day when we can once again embrace those beloved family members who passed on before.  However our hearts ache right now.  Our arms feel empty.  We wait for the day when we can see, feel and touch them once again.

 

My father has been on my mind quite a bit the past few days.  I am feeling, for the umpteenth time, a sense of loss and that desire to once again have one of his hugs or to pick up the phone and have one of our extended conversations covering sports, politics, family or current events.  I would give anything to know what he thinks of my children and my grandchildren.  These feelings are close to the surface right now probably because tomorrow would have been his 103rd birthday.  He passed away nearly 25 years ago.  It was so long ago and yet in many ways feels like it was only a year or so ago. 

 

My mother died at the young age of 53.  She has been gone now for over 32 years.  She left us when my family was so young.  My oldest son being only 16 months old and our oldest daughter just over one month.  It hurt so bad knowing that my children would never really know their Grandma Tanner.  We hurt because we did not have her expertise to rely on.  She had become our go to person when we had questions with our children.  She was our teacher.  Even though she had many other grandchildren before ours came along we felt as though our children were her first grandchildren.  There was no doubt that she loved them will all of her heart.  To put it simply we were heart broken at her passing.  And now 32 years later my heart still hurts.  Hurts from missing this sweet, gentile, and compassionate woman.

 

Reflecting on the deaths of my parents I realize that the first year after their deaths was the hardest.  It is as if they were on my mind constantly during that first year.  Any and every special occasion became emotional.  Birthdays, holidays, football and basketball games all caused a feeling of loss all over again.  Over the years it has become easier.  I don't always think of my father every basketball or football game.  Yes I do think of my parents on the occasions of their birthdays and other special occasions.  There is still some pain and sorrow but it has eased some over the years.

 So how do we move forward?  How can we patiently await our turn to return to be with those who have gone on before?

Lose you yourself in service to others.  Be as our Savior was.  In service always.  Think of others first before thinking of you.  Service to others helps you to forget yourself.  Forgetting about yourself helps to minimize the pain felt with a loss.  Matthew 10:39 states this: "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

Lose your life in service to friends, family and others in need and you will find Life in Christ.

Have you suffered loss in your life?  Please feel free to leave a comment about your feelings  and how you have coped with your loss.

Submitted by:  James Tanner